Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I wonder whether people will like this post

When I was younger, in college, and in love with a girl (whom now I can't imagine being married to), I used to wait for the Sunday Times eagerly. The first thing I used to check were the comics, always the comics. Next, the cryptic clues for the Sunday crossword. Then, I used to go through the weekly forecast for my sun sign (which is Aquarius, by the way, explaining why people find me weird), to find out whether my beloved would visit me that particular week, and the possibility of amassing wealth by death of a distant rich uncle. Somehow, it was important to know whether I could expect the oil prices to go up in the coming week (yes), whether I would score well in any of the surprise quizzes mercilessly unleashed on us by sadistic professors (no), whether I was going to be the only person the world would look up to to save them from certain doom (no), whether lord Ganesh was thirsty for milk that week (only once), and whether my friend Kapil Gulati would ever smile (no).

Over the years, though, I have become wiser. I no longer want to know what the future has in store for me. The uncertainty of life has its own charm. It makes me wonder.

I wonder whether I will live to a ripe old age or die young and leave behing a good looking corpse.

I wonder whether, fifteen years from now, I will tell my daughter that I am one of the best in my field, or whether I will change the topic when she asks me what I do for a living. I wonder whether I will be able to convince my wife to name her (the fictitious daughter, not the wife) Sadaa. I wonder whether my wife and I will quarrel over whose surname she (the daughter, again, not the wife) takes.

I wonder whether I will ever beat Rohit at tennis and claim the bounty of five pints of beer which my wife has declared.

I wonder whether my company will ever do well enough to have overseas offices, or whether I will shut it down in some time and work as a brilliant yet unmotivated software programmer in a large MNC. I wonder whether I will stick to software development at all or take up electronics, photography, or agriculture.

I wonder whether I will have the good fortune of having octogenarian parents, or whether the end is near. I wonder whether my parents will ever understand (or already know) that, even thought I have never put it in words, I love them dearly. More, even, than beer and tennis.

I wonder whether I will ever get my knee fixed and try and run the mile in less than 5:45 again. I wonder whether I can still do it, having aged and all that.

I wonder whether, when the end comes, it will be painful. I wonder how long the people who miss me will do so.

I wonder whether our country will ever shake itself loose of shackles and become a great nation, even a reasonable one, and whether I will live to see that day.

I wonder whether the golden age of Rock music will come back, and whether Led Zeppelin will go down as the greatest band in my books or whether someone else will be able to displace them.

I wonder how many people truly like me. I wonder how I will react when I come to know the names of people who pretend to like me but actually don't. I wonder whether I will give explanations or try and reconcile with the reality, or whether I will proclaim that those people never had good taste anyway.

I wonder about grandiose things like the meaning of life, and I wonder about the mundane things like whether I will give in to the temptation and buy the shirt I saw displayed in a boutique.

I wonder whether the so called wrong things that I have done in life were really wrong. I wonder if I will do them again if I had the chance, knowing what I know now about right and wrong.

I wonder a lot. Thank God for uncertainty.

12 Comments:

At 11:38 PM, Blogger Satya said...

i could relate to this post... i wonder about almost 90% of things that u mentioned here... and to think ur aquarian... but seriously .. this was almost what i would write .. a certain lady i know from your town could vouch for that too...brilliant post !!

 
At 2:04 AM, Anonymous runa said...

Perhaps the uncertainties of the future and the fear of the unknown does make one ponder on these lines. nice blog. the one for Father's Day is really touching.

 
At 2:11 AM, Anonymous Anirudh said...

I could relate to the post. Nice one.

 
At 1:26 AM, Anonymous Mandar said...

its our prayer that ur parents have a looooonnnnng and happy life, ur company makes it big and all ur nice wishes come true. :)

whats the name of ur company, btw? where is it located? (if u dont mind revealing it here)

 
At 2:02 AM, Blogger Dips said...

What brought this on.. mid-age ;-) but seriously.. there will always be questions..and there is a certain charm in not knowing everything beforehand..

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger Varun Singh said...

yup you wonder a lot, and companies don't do well when it's people wonder a lot ;-)

Accha, sorry for that remark. Nice post there! I too wonder all this, more so recently after my first almost nearly near-death experience :) I've blogged about it, read it sometime.

Any yeah, got some nice pics from recent trek, check out at http://photoblog-vasingh.blogspot.com/

 
At 5:25 AM, Blogger jaygee said...

"I wonder how many people truly like me...I wonder whether I will give explanations or try and reconcile with the reality, or whether I will proclaim that those people never had good taste anyway."
Very profound lines I think and well what would life be without how and why for?

 
At 1:01 AM, Anonymous Elf said...

'wonder' ful

 
At 10:43 PM, Blogger Jugular Bean said...

Brilliant post! Some of those thoughts made my hair stand on end!

 
At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Toe Knee said...

Beautiful post. Just had to comment on this one.

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger uma said...

anurag: this people does like this post! :)

i knew i had visited your blog before - how did i lose sight of it?

 
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